Where is your home?

Take Pen to Paper: Edition 74

Feb 23, 2024

Do you have more than one place you call home?

When I started thinking of this, I knew my answer was more than a place with my stuff. In checking the definitions, guess what was most common - a place where you live with your family and where your possessions are.

I’m not satisfied with this definition.

In this newsletter:

A place.
People and things.
Maybe it’s just the people.

A home is a place to hang your hat.

There is no doubt that the words home and place go together. We move into places that become our homes. Dorm rooms, apartments, and houses come in all different sizes and locations. We call them home.

Does it have to be a place where you live?

I taught for 15 years in one elementary school. I was young and newly married. My homes changed in the area, but the school didn’t. The school was the one constant in the community. This community was the one I lived for the longest time in my life.

The teachers and principals I worked with came and went. I moved from classroom to classroom. I learned the history of the school. I knew all its nooks and crannies. If the secretary had to leave the office, whoever was closest answered the phone. Until the day I retired (with many schools in between). I wanted to answer the phone at work with, “Howard II, this is Susan Abel.” The urge to say that never went away.

My husband had a job opportunity that brought change. When I walked out of the school that last day, I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.

All I could think was I was leaving my home.

Oddly enough, I don’t think I have ever felt that way about any of the dorms/apartments/houses I lived in. The school was the place I felt was my home.

A home means family.

Throughout my life, I’ve lived in 16 communities. That count does not include each physical dwelling. No matter where I’ve lived with my possessions, I’ve also had family.

Family encompasses biological members, legal members, and chosen members. We all have a community of people we consider family. Growing up and after marriage, my biological family lived with me. During my college years, my friends were closest in proximity. These were people I was ‘at home’ with. What constitutes our families changes over the years with births, partnerships, moves, and deaths.

I’ve never lived in a place with my stuff where I didn’t have people.

Perhaps the definition I found is correct: home means a place with the people you consider family and where you keep your possessions.

It’s the people that make the difference.

I wasn’t at home this past weekend, but I felt at home. The possessions I had with me fit in a backpack.

Each year, my two best girlfriends and I come together from different parts of the country to enjoy a long weekend somewhere. We have been doing this for roughly 37 years (we missed a few here and there). It started without our families vacationing together. It morphed into an annual girls’ weekend.

The place doesn’t really matter. We don’t require things. Entertainment is optional. We have things in common, but we are also different.

It’s our history, our shared experiences, and our laughter. It’s the new experience we will share together. The consistency of coming together is how we have maintained our friendship throughout the years.

I recently listened to a podcast in which Gretchen Rubin and Kelly Corrigan talk about happiness and relationships. They talked about taking time to have conversations without the distractions of work and technology.

My friends and I take a long weekend with no distractions, no agenda, and no tasks to complete. We are sharing an experience and place together. Kelly Corrigan called this ‘low-stakes agenda-less time.’ One of my friends even said that while we were together on an outing. She did not know what I was writing about this week.

Our weekend is low-stakes agenda-less time. When we are together, our only aim is to be together.

Wherever my friends and I choose to be, I feel at home. In this case, it’s all about the people.

Each person may have a different definition of home. What are your priorities - the place, the people, a mix of the two? Maybe your definition of home changes with your circumstances in life.

This past weekend, my home was with my girlfriends in an unfamiliar house with just each other. Today, it’s being in my house with my family, where I wind my mother’s china clock.

What does the word home mean to you?

7 Days, 7 Thoughts on Gratitude and Good:

The picture above was taken when my girlfriends and I visited Amelia Island, Florida, a few years ago. This piece of art is on American Beach, which has a fascinating history. You can read about the first black-owned beach resort. You can start reading about it here. (You will find several links if you search it.)
I am grateful for having friends with whom I can spend ‘low-stakes agenda-less time.’
I am grateful to have many places/people to call home.
If you want to listen to the Kelly Corrigan Wonders podcast with Gretchen Rubin, here is the link.
You may need some unique lighting in the form of a plant in your home.
Remodeling a home can lead to surprises. Occasionally, they are happy surprises.
It’s good to know what home means to you. Knowing will help you specify what to be grateful for.

Thank you for reading.

Until next time,

💚

Susan

Who do you spend ‘low-stakes agenda-less time’ with? Do you need to add some to your life? Leave a comment and let me know.

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