The question, "How are you doing?" seems simple enough.

Take Pen to Paper: Edition 68

Jan 12, 2024

Have you ever had an earworm, a song you just can't get out of your head?

Well, mine is a phrase I’ve had in my head for almost 20 years. (Okay, I may be stretching the comparison a little because there is no music accompaniment.)

In this newsletter:

A common question.
Words that remind me to do good.
Leaving a path.

The technicalities of answering a common question.

The Center for Advanced Research on Language Acquisition reports that 81% of people ask a version of “How are you doing?” when greeting someone.

My friend Christine wrote in her newsletter that 99.13% of people will answer with “good” even when they aren’t “good.”

Sadly, it doesn’t matter if they are good or not because either a)the person who answers doesn’t want to share, b)the person who asks doesn’t care what the answer is, or c)we default to the habit of the usual answer.

Then, there is the grammatical aspect of the question to consider. By using the word “doing,” an action verb, the answer needs to be the adverb “well.”

But this newsletter is not about how to answer the question. It’s about what the question makes me think whenever I hear it.

My 20-year-old Earworm

When I read Christine’s newsletter, it took me back 20 years to the origin of my earworm.

The origin has nothing to do with music. This is probably good since the Billboard 100 has Usher’s “Yeah” (featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris) as the year’s top song. (I’m sorry if that’s suck in your head now.) I have nothing against the song, but thinking about it for 20 years?

When I hear, “How are you doing?” I’m transported back to my oldest son’s graduation from high school.

My son was dually enrolled in his senior year at the University of West Georgia. A small graduation was held for the students graduating from the program. Not surprisingly, the keynote speaker was the university’s president at the time, Dr. Beheruz Sethna.

Dr. Sethna’s speech conveyed pride in the program and the students’ accomplishments. The point of his speech has stayed with me for 20 years.

In his speech, he brings up the question, “How are you doing?” He focused on the answer - not on the grammatically correct answer.

Dr. Sethna charged the graduates with answering the question with, “I am doing good.” He went on to explain, of course, he wanted them to be well. What he really wanted to hear was that they were doing good deeds.

What a simple and powerful message to send the students out into the world with!

And my earworm was generated.

Be Like Hansel and Gretel

So what do I think when I hear, “How are you doing?” (And I hear it addressed to me and others almost daily.) I think about doing good deeds.

I imagine walking through life doing good deeds. Like Hansel and Gretel with their breadcrumbs, I can leave a trail of them.

Birds and forest animals picked up the breadcrumbs (unfortunate for Hansel and Gretel). But it doesn’t matter who is the recipient of my good deed or who witnesses the good deed; with good deeds, everyone is a winner.

Have you thought about the path you are leaving?

7 Days, 7 Thoughts on Gratitude and Good:

My husband and I were sitting in a cafe in Edinburgh, Scotland, when this pigeon landed on the car parked outside. Was it reading the menu (the sign you see posted above its head) or thinking about what crumbs we might bring out and share? 🕊️
A quote: “Try to live a good life in accord with the virtues that are set before you. Perhaps this is a difficult thing, but with time it becomes more and more joyful.” - Leo Tolstoy
We create habits of all kinds. What about a habit of doing good? Do you need motivation to continue? Consider keeping a streak. 🏃‍♀️
I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made in my newsletter journey, like Christine, who inspired this newsletter.
Dr. Sethna has an impressive resume. Check it out here. 📃
The 20 Best Graduation Speeches of All Time. Check out the quotes and see if you agree.
Want to know the science behind earworms? Check out this article.

I hope whatever you have running through your head is for the benefit of others and yourself.

💚

Susan

(P. S. One of my 7 items was missing a link last week. I have since corrected it.)

Share your most annoying earworm with me! I would love to know what it is.

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