Someone has to make the first move; It might as well be you.

Take Pen to Paper: Edition 42

Hi Friends,

It’s another week to contemplate gratitude and our role in creating moments of gratitude for others.

The small actions we take to connect build up over time. Not only do others benefit from our small actions, but we do, too.

As I pointed out last week, those small actions can be challenging. With maturity and practice, we get better. We learn to step outside of our comfort zone to connect with others.

For years I stayed in my comfort zone. I let others do the work.

After college, I moved to a new city to go to graduate school. Once again, I was in a friendless environment, starting from scratch.

I had one thing going for me. My classmates and I were studying in the field of special education. (Unfortunately, my roommate was in law school. I didn’t see much of her.)

On the first day of one of my classes, I arrived early enough to have the pick of almost any seat. I needed to do a lot of observing before I would sit by someone and introduce myself. If I waited long enough I wouldn’t have to do anything.

That day was my lucky day. Someone else made the first move.

A classmate sat beside me. She introduced herself. After class, she asked if I wanted to get lunch at the campus cafe. (I hadn’t been there yet because it wasn’t in my comfort zone.)

We became friends. Her courage to approach me on that first day impressed me. It was only after I got to know her that I learned she intentionally chose to sit by me. I asked her about that day. She had attended the same university as an undergraduate. She already had friends. So why did she sit by me?

She sat by me for no reason other than because I looked like I would be nice. That made a big impression on me. I’ve remembered it all these years.

We don’t need a complicated reason to connect with others. We just need the desire to connect.

I am still friends with my graduate school classmate. Distance has separated us since our year in school together. It shows you never know when you will make a friend for life.

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My ability to take steps out of my comfort zone has improved with practice.

Now I look for opportunities to connect.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to a retirement party for one of his coworkers. He knew many of the attendees. I knew none.

I know how to start a conversation. There would be an opportunity at the party to do just that.

I excelled at extending conversations. I asked questions and made relevant comments. I was connecting!

Then my husband was pulled away into a work-related conversation. I stood quietly for a moment off to myself, admiring the vineyard scenery around me. (You know me, always looking for photo opportunities!)

“This hummus is so good I could eat it all day.”

Another spouse was starting a conversation with me!

Yes, that was her conversation starter. We talked for fifteen minutes covering the catered food, our jobs, and our families.

That’s how easy making a connection can be.

The Virginia countryside. Photo by S.G.S. Abel

7 Days, 7 Thoughts on Gratitude and Good

1. I’m grateful for my friends who made the first move.

2. This article explains the benefits of sharing experiences with others, even if you don’t know them. 🎢

3. A quote: "...it is not when a part of the self is inhibited and restrained, but when a part of the self is given away, that community appears." - Lewis Hyde

4. I love the simple acronym in this short article about achieving happiness.

5. This is a somewhat academic (but short) read about dialects and genes. What struck me was the conclusion:

As cultural barriers among groups fall away, small human interactions form the bridges that allow people to deemphasize differences and learn from one another.

5. If you’re not familiar with the podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin”, this episode includes advice on how to make a connection with a stranger. I listen to this podcast on a regular basis. 🎧

6. Occasionally Spotify will surprise me with starting a new podcast without my knowledge. “How to Talk to People” is one such podcast. This episode stood out to me. 👋

7. I’m grateful for each day that brings the opportunity to make a connection with someone new.

Thank you for reading!

Do you find it easy to connect with strangers? If so, maybe you have some tricks I can share. Leave a comment and tell me about them.

If you know someone who would like this post share it with them.

Be a source of gratitude by connecting with someone this week. As you enrich their life, yours will be enriched.

❤

Susan