It Wasn't What I Expected

Take Pen to Paper: Edition 125

Susan G.S. Abel

Feb 13, 2025

Greetings Readers!

Were you expecting this email today?

If you’ve been reading Take Pen To Paper for a while, you probably were. I try to live up to expectations.

Expectations are natural for us to have. We have expectations of ourselves and others.

But expectations don’t drive reality.

In this newsletter:

Expectations appear simple.
Expectations are tricky.
Expectations meet reality.

What Could Go Wrong?

Have you ever played “Mouse Gets the Cheese”?

Probably not, since it is a game my three-year-old granddaughter made up.

Briefly, someone (me) pulls the cheese (a balloon on a string) to try to catch the mouse (my granddaughter crawling after the balloon).

This seemed simple enough. I had played the simple games of three-year-olds before.

How could this go wrong?

Ground Rules for Expectations

If you have expectations, there are a few ground rules. They include:

Background knowledge of the situation. This is the who, what, where, and when information, along with your past experience. Background knowledge helps form your expectation. My oldest granddaughter always expects to see me helping in the school cafeteria on Mondays.
Expectations need to be clearly stated. This may require you to ask questions and maybe make suggestions. Everyone involved in the expecation needs to be on the same page. I didn’t pick up your prescriptions when I was at the grocery pharmacy because you didn’t tell me they were ready.
Expectations are not the end. What is going to happen after the expectations are (or are not) met? What is next? This heavily ties into ground rules #1 and #2 which help us form expectations. She knows I’ll buy her a treat, she’s going to expect one every time.

Knowing and using the ground rules helps with the end result. Expectations are more likely to be met if all participants are well-informed.

Expectations are often linked to happiness. We are happy when they are met; however, when they are not met, disappointment follows. Nobody likes to be disappointed.

It can be as simple as discovering your mother didn’t pack your favorite lunch for school or as complex as the nation’s politics. Disappointment is a natural response (among others) when expectations aren’t met.

What did I Expect?

The expectations were clear. It seemed simple enough. I saw no need for questions to clarify my role in “Mouse Gets the Cheese.”

The game began, and after catching the mouse twice, my granddaughter said, “You’re turn!”

Well, in agreeing to play, I completely forgot about the ground rules of expectations.

I ignored my background knowledge. I was playing with a three-year-old. She is at that age when learning to take turns is very important and constantly reinforced.

I hadn’t asked any clarifying questions. If I had used my background knowledge, I would have.

I hadn’t looked beyond the initial expectation of my role in the game. She had a new expectation or one she hadn’t voiced. And, I was temporarily unable to crawl on the floor.

I didn’t want to disappoint her, but I told her I couldn’t be the mouse. My knee was hurt, and I couldn’t crawl.

She threw her arms up and said, “Pretend!”

I was wrong again. Or, maybe in this situation, I should expect the unexpected.

Expectations don’t drive reality, especially in this case. Her expectations were centered around a pretend game.

Final score: Granddaughter - 2, Grandmother - 1(for participation)

I’ll get better with practice.

7 Days, 7 Thoughts on Gratitude and Good:

I am grateful for imagination. It gives us a break from reality.
Imaginative play with simple unstructured items has many benefits. Check out this article. 🎈
I am grateful for my granddaughters and their expectations of me, even when I struggle to understand them.
It’s a good thing to understand what is expected of you so you are not the source of disappointment. 😞
I often write personal expectations in my journal. I enjoyed reading Sathya’s Newsletter this week. Maybe keeping a journal would help you sort out your expectations. 📜
Here is a short article on expectations vs. reality.
I am grateful that we learn through experience and apply the lessons to future actions.

Thank you for reading. What are your expectations?

Until next time,

💚

Susan

When was the last time you had difficulty with someone else’s expectations? Leave a comment and let me know. I would love to read about it.

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