Going At It Alone: Something I hate to do.
Take Pen to Paper: Edition 41
Welcome back!
This week is about a dislike I know I share with others.
I do not like, and try to avoid at all times, eating out alone.
During my freshman year in college, I dreaded mealtime. It meant finding a friend to eat with. I was the only one in my group of friends without an 8:00 class. (How lucky is that!) But I would get up at 7:00 so I could eat with friends to breakfast. By 7:45, I was back in bed for a nap before my 9:15 class. (Well, I was a teenager.)
My dislike of going out alone extends to other activities besides eating out - parties, exploring new stores, walking a new neighborhood. (I make myself go.)
We are often self-conscious about doing what we need or want to do in public.
We want to blend in. We are afraid we’ll be rejected or laughed at. In reality, others don’t even notice us. This is called the Spotlight Effect (see #4 below).
I have denied myself opportunities because of this fear of possible judgment or standing out because I am alone. Sometimes, it takes combined emotions, like disappointment, anger, and determination, to make an effort to act.
While vacationing in Cannon Beach, Oregon, I was determined to see the sea life surrounding Haystack Rock at low tide. Low tide was at 6:00 am. No one else in the family wanted to get up that early! My emotions kicked in. I tried my best to guilt them into going with me. I knew this would be the highlight of the trip.
I got up in the dark and walked down to the beach. I was treated to a wonderous sight of the starfish and sea urchins living in the tide pools. I was happy I had ventured out on my own. Cannon Beach ranks in my top five vacations.
After about 15 minutes, I looked up and saw my son walking down the beach, and not far behind was my husband.
One successful outing didn’t change my feelings about venturing out alone. It did tell me I could do it.
Even today, I find it hard to walk into a situation with a group of people I don’t know. I have difficulty journaling in front of others. Even that first art class in February was hard to join.
My positive experience in going at it alone has taught me much. Now I take advantage of opportunities to practice doing what I need or want to do on my own.
Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way, recommends a weekly artist date to get in touch with your inner self and encourage your creativity. With any activity you practice, you get better if you practice consistently.
I also understand that other people aren’t judging me. Many don’t notice me. And just maybe, I’ll meet someone and strike up a conversation about a shared interest.
At a minimum, I enjoy a new experience. I may brighten someone’s day and possibly make a new friend.
That’s a story for another day.
7 Days, 7 Thoughts on Gratitude and Good
It’s good to have alone time.
I was drawn to this article by Andre Aciman because of its title. I loved this article from start to finish. I knew why as soon as I read the words, “I have always dreaded loneliness, but I love being left alone.” A solo traveler is what I want to be when I grow up. ✈
If you are taking a beginner’s class alone, chances are you’ll find someone else who is equally uncomfortable being there alone. That’s the perfect time to make a friend.
Sahil Bloom explained the Spotlight Effect in one of his newsletters this year. It’s worth the read.
It’s good to get out of your comfort zone. That’s where personal growth happens. 🌱
It’s good to start with small steps out of your comfort zone. Don’t get discouraged by setbacks.
This baby elephant seal knows what it wants and doesn’t mind the attention it gets. It’s a 1-minute video.
Thank you for reading this week!
How do you feel about venturing out on your own? Do you wait for an invitation or venture out on your own? Leave a comment and let me know.
If you have a friend who has difficulty getting out for new adventures, share this newsletter so they know they are not alone.
I plan to have at least one new adventure this week, but I’ll have my sidekick. Grandchildren are great inspirations for trying new things.
I hope whatever adventure you have goes beyond meeting your expectations.
❤
Susan
I stumbled on this idea that Jesse Itzler shared about this concept of "Misogi". It's where you do one hard challenging thing that defines the rest of the year. Usually when I set goals and challenges I tend to invite as many people as possible. I don't know if you've ever taken the 16 personality test but I'm a huuuge campaigner!