Give My Compliments to the Reader

Take Pen to Paper: Edition 106

Susan G.S. Abel

Oct 03, 2024

Hi Readers!

“You really look great today.”

Have you ever thought about what prompts you to compliment someone? Have you thought about the compliments you give?

We often rely on the same generic compliment and assume they will do the job. But do they?

In this newsletter:

Missing a compliment opportunity.
Strategies to improve your compliments.
An opportunity opens doors.

A Missed Opportunity

Compliments are easy to give. In general, when you give a compliment, you are also giving someone a gift. It may give a boost to their self-esteem or just bring a smile.

“I like your shirt.”
“Your cake was delicious.”
“Your idea was good.”

To give effective compliments you need to be on the look out for opportunities. That means you need to be present in the moment, focus on who you are with, and be an active listener. These three actions are easy to ignore unless they are your default behavior.

I need to work on my default behavior to include these actions.

I ran into a former coworker in the grocery this past weekend. She recently retired so when we passed in the coffee aisle, I asked how she was enjoying retirement.

My actions and words went into default mode. I did not have a close relationship with this coworker. In fact, I was always under the impression that she did not care for me, primarily due to the position I held. But I worked with her for five years and wanted to be polite.

That’s how I found myself in a conversation giving superficial answers and missing an opportunity to give a genuine compliment.

It takes practice to be present, focus, and actively listen as default behaviors. Missing an opportunity to compliment someone was a sign I needed to practice.

Upgrade Your Compliments

You may be better at seizing opportunities to compliments others than I am. Do you think about the quality of the compliments you give?

You can upgrade your compliments by considering the content of the compliment. It becomes more meaningful to the recipient if you make it specific and about the person.

A specific compliment sounds more authentic. It shows you are paying attention to notice. I love hearing that someone reads my newsletters. But my ears really perk up when they mention a specific story, picture, or link I’ve included.

Stylist and author Allison Bornstein suggests we give compliments by emphasizing the action taken by the person you are complimenting. For example:

I love how you chose that shirt to bring out the color in the print of the skirt.
What do you do to get your cake so moist and fluffy?
The way you presented your idea made it easy to see the advantages.

It’s easy to see how the upgrade focuses on the actions of the person, making the compliment more meaningful and personal.

One Opportunity Brings Another

It turns out that giving compliments does more than boost self-esteem and make others smile.

When you pay a compliment to another person, you open an opportunity to a new connection or stronger relationship. From the three examples above you may learn who to go to for styling tips, start sharing recipes, or gain a collaborator for your next idea. You took one step to know someone a little better and letting them know you.

As a retired teacher, this coworker has been back to volunteer at the school just like me. She told me how several of her former students’ parents expressed their dismay that she wouldn’t be there for a sibling moving up a grade. That’s when I had an opportunity. I should have told her that was a testament to how good she was at her job, but I didn’t (sometimes I’m a slow thinker and responder).

When I walked away from my former coworker in the coffee aisle, I realized my missed opportunity for a compliment. I also knew I also I missed an opportunity to strengthen what little relationship I have with her.

When I left I told her I would probably be seeing her at school volunteering, or grocery shopping. That will give me an opportunity to practice my skills and get to know her a little better.

7 Days, 7 Thoughts on Gratitude and Good:

The note above was written on the bulletin board in the office at school during the COVID pandemic. It made my team of teachers and me feel good to be recognized for our effort and hard work during a stressful time.😷
This article gives some hints on how to give sincere compliments.
Three years ago, I wrote this piece about giving compliments to lift someone’s spirits. 🎈
I am grateful that I spent so much time around children. They speak their mind and their compliments are sincere.
Compliments benefit the recipient and you. Check out these benefits.
It’s good to compliment others. What you say may be the most positive thing they hear all day. 🙌
If you are my age you may be familiar with Eddie Haskell from “Leave it to Beaver”. Whatever your age, do yourself a favor and take (or not) some tips from Eddie. 📺

Thank you for reading. This week look for opportunities to pay a compliment to someone.

Until next time,

💚

Susan

What compliment have your received that really made your day? Leave a comment and let me know. I would love to read about it.

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