Adjust Your Expectations, Adjust Your Outcomes
Take Pen to Paper: Edition 55
Hi, Friends!
This week, let’s take a peek at expectations.
In this newsletter:
We need expectations.
Our expectations can fail us.
How to make expectations work.
“You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.” - Bette Davis
The keyword in the quote above may surprise you. It’s not happiness or expectation.
It’s the word ‘you’.
We need expectations to achieve the goals we set for ourselves.
In education, the concept of expectation always refers to having high expectations.
As an educator of students with disabilities, I quickly learned high expectations are relative to the individual student. That is not to say I set low expectations for my students. I set realistic expectations. If the expectation was met, I set a new one.
Expectations can fail us in two ways.
When we don’t set realistic and challenging expectations, we set ourselves up for failure.
We let someone else set the expectations. They may set us up for failure.
You must know yourself to set challenging yet realistic expectations.
One of my former students with Down Syndrome was a favorite of mine. She was fun and stubborn, which often translated to social behavior issues. Her parents exposed her to many educational, social, and cultural experiences. They worked with her and knew her well.
During a meeting to write her Individualized Education Plan, they insisted her plan concentrate on social/behavior goals. Why? “We know she will learn basic academic skills. We want to concentrate on social skills to use when she’s older.”
Her parents could enforce rules at home, but at school or at her first job, she would need to function without her parents. Their expectations were realistic yet would address her most challenging characteristics.
As a team we worked to set realistic, challenging expectations for her. You can do the same for yourself.
Knowing yourself helps you set expectations you can achieve.
Success in meeting the expectation of your goal encourages you to keep moving forward to the next goal with new expectations.
Beware of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations.
Back in the days of the COVID pandemic (is it too early to say that?), I comforted two crying teachers who were doing their best. Their best wasn’t enough. The expectations set by others, the state, the district, and parents were challenging and, in many ways, unrealistic.
I told both to lower their expectations.
At first, I couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth. I had to explain.
We were teaching under circumstances we could not control (trust me, you don’t want to know the details). These circumstances had adverse effects on the outcome of our efforts. This wasn’t about abandoning high expectations. It was about adjusting them to match what we could control.
Setting expectations for what you control affects how you will pursue a goal, and what you will accomplish.
You have expectations for various areas of your life. Perhaps you are learning a new skill, acquiring a new habit, searching for happiness, or changing a negative default characteristic. Put thought into what you are trying to achieve.
Remember the ‘you’ when planning your journey.
You are in control.
No one knows you better than you. Set your expectations accordingly.
7 Days, 7 Thoughts on Gratitude and Good:
The canvas pictured above sits on my desk. It was an end-of-the-school-year gift from the student in this story. Her mother apologized, saying, “I’m sorry, it’s not her best. We did one for each teacher, and after two, she stopped trying.” I couldn’t help smiling at that. It was exactly what I would expect, and I love the painting that much more.
This first article and this second article have suggestions for activities to get to know yourself. (An activity on both lists is journaling.)
I am grateful for challenging myself to participate in a writing cohort that set an expectation to write and publish daily for 30 days. That expectation helped me build my journaling and writing habit.
Everyone has expectations placed on them by others. This article has a section of suggestions for how to cope with those.
A quote: “We’re not born creative or destructive. Each one of us has the ability to create or destroy, to leave the world better than we found it, or worse.” - Yo-Yo Ma
I saw this Happiness Calendar and immediately uploaded it to my Google calendar. Each day you will have a quick activity for happiness and an article you can read about the activity.
It’s good to expect happiness and the good things in life. Expecting them makes us look for them. When we look for them, we find them.
Thanks for reading!
This week take a look at what you expect from yourself and others. Concentrate on what you control.
💚
Susan
Did you look at the Happiness Calendar? What did you think? Leave a comment and let me know.
Share my newsletter with someone you think would enjoy it. I appreciate all shares!
Do you remember Rise Romminger Edwards from Howard II?
I don’t think you would have taught her daughter,Baylee. ??? She has Down syndrome. Friday night she was selected/elected Biloxi Homecoming Queen. An outstanding girl loved by all.
Look for a book about her named Baylee.